They are out to get me. I know this to be true because they are everywhere. They are following me. Every store I go to, most restaurants, even when I am at work they find a way to surround and suffocate me.
Don’t think that they are so obvious about their evil deed. No, no they aren’t. All they have to do is wander within a couple of feet of me. That is enough to begin their torture. They seem not to notice. They pretend that it isn’t a plot to keep me on the run. All of them are so good at their job that they seem like ordinary women. But, I know better.
The first step in their master plan is to pick out an outfit and soak it in a vat of perfume, overnight. When it is time to do their mission, they lavishly apply perfume until their own sense of smell ceases to work. After this, they can wear their marinated garments with no ill effect to themselves.
It can’t be any ordinary perfume, no, no, no. That won’t do at all! It needs to be the most painful and suffocating potion they can find. It must make eyes water, lungs collapse and sinuses instantly swell to produce mucus. It has to be pure poison.
After their weapon has been chosen and they have adorned themselves in the previously mentioned fashion (and possibly drink it as well… who knows?), the next step is to seek me out. It is best when it is fresh, you know. Wherever I am, they need to also be there. These mistresses of the menacing mists pretend that they are innocent women just going about their business.
The last step in this process is exposure. They try to linger around me as long as they can without being detected. When I move away from the offending smell, they follow. If they can’t follow without being obvious then they somehow notify the next vixen of venomous vapors in the area that I am on my way. She gets the message and sets herself up to continue the assault on me.
This goes on until I admit defeat and leave the premises. I curse the army of poison princesses. I am in awe of their dedication and ability to withstand the power of their own weapons. I wonder if their olfactory systems are damaged or absent. I am left with so many questions and a migraine. They win and I am in pain. I imagine they laugh together in their impenetrable cloud of torment and plan the next attack on me.
They are out to get me. I know this to be true because they are everywhere. They are following me. Every store I go to, most restaurants, even when I am at work they find a way to surround and suffocate me.
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